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Plot Generator/Arrogant Sea Monster by Julius Gorbachev
= Arrogant Sea Monster = A Screenplay by Julius Gorbachev INT. GYPSU'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON Gracious private detective SYTTU SAKJAR SARAYNOUS is arguing with popular nurse BLACK CHOCOLATE DELICIOUS TASTES GOOD. SAKJAR tries to hug DELICIOUS but she shakes him off. SAKJAR Please Delicious, don't leave me. DELICIOUS I'm sorry Sakjar, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away. SAKJAR I am such a person! DELICIOUS frowns. DELICIOUS I'm sorry, Sakjar. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore. DELICIOUS leaves. SAKJAR sits down, looking defeated. Moments later, hilarious private detective BAINUS GYPSUS SANDUS barges in looking flustered. SAKJAR Goodness, Gypsus! Is everything okay? GYPSUS I'm afraid not. SAKJAR What is it? Don't keep me in suspense... GYPSUS It's ... a sea monster ... I saw an evil sea monster defecate on the cloth a bunch of political arguments! SAKJAR Defenseless political arguments? GYPSUS Yes, defenseless political arguments! SAKJAR Bloomin' heck, Gypsus! We've got to do something. GYPSUS I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start. SAKJAR You can start by telling me where this happened. GYPSUS I was... GYPSUS fans himself and begins to wheeze. SAKJAR Focus Gypsus, focus! Where did it happen? GYPSUS Coolmax's weed camp! That's right - Coolmax's weed camp! SAKJAR springs up and begins to run. EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS SAKJAR rushes along the street, followed by GYPSUS. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way. EXT. COOLMAX'S WEED CAMP - SHORTLY AFTER VICTORIOUS MOUSE an arrogant sea monster terrorises two political arguments. SAKJAR, closely followed by GYPSUS, rushes towards VICTORIOUS, but suddenly stops in his tracks. GYPSUS What is is? What's the matter? SAKJAR That's not just any old sea monster, that's Victorious Mouse! GYPSUS Who's Victorious Mouse? SAKJAR Who's Victorious Mouse? Who's Victorious Mouse? Only the most arrogant sea monster in the universe! GYPSUS Blinkin' knickers, Sakjar! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant sea monster in the universe! SAKJAR You can say that again. GYPSUS Blinkin' knickers, Sakjar! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant sea monster in the universe! SAKJAR I'm going to need guns, lots of guns. Victorious turns and sees Sakjar and Gypsus. He grins an evil grin. VICTORIOUS Sakjar Saraynous, we meet again. GYPSUS You've met? SAKJAR Yes. It was a long, long time ago... EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME A young SAKJAR is sitting in a park listening to some jazz music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him. He looks up and sees VICTORIOUS. He takes off his headphones. VICTORIOUS Would you like some chocolate? SAKJAR's eyes light up, but then he studies VICTORIOUS more closely, and looks uneasy. SAKJAR I don't know, you look kind of arrogant. VICTORIOUS Me? No. I'm not arrogant. I'm the least arrogant sea monster in the world. SAKJAR Wait, you're a sea monster? SAKJAR runs away, screaming. EXT. COOLMAX'S WEED CAMP - PRESENT DAY VICTORIOUS You were a coward then, and you are a coward now. GYPSUS (To SAKJAR) You ran away? SAKJAR (To GYPSUS) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do? SAKJAR turns to VICTORIOUS. SAKJAR I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time! SAKJAR runs away. He turns back and shouts. SAKJAR I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with guns. VICTORIOUS I'm not scared of you. SAKJAR You should be. EXT. A GIANT CAULDRON - LATER THAT DAY SAKJAR and GYPSUS walk around searching for something. SAKJAR I feel sure I left my guns somewhere around here. GYPSUS Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly guns. SAKJAR You know nothing Gypsus Sandus. GYPSUS We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here. Suddenly, VICTORIOUS appears, holding a pair of guns. VICTORIOUS Looking for something? GYPSUS Crikey, Sakjar, he's got your guns. SAKJAR Tell me something I don't already know! GYPSUS The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km. SAKJAR I know that already! GYPSUS I once drunk pee by accident. VICTORIOUS (appalled) Dude! While VICTORIOUS is looking at GYPSUS with disgust, SAKJAR lunges forward and grabs his deadly guns. He wields them, triumphantly. SAKJAR Prepare to die, you arrogant carrot! VICTORIOUS No please! All I did was defecate on the cloth a bunch of political arguments! DELICIOUS enters, unseen by any of the others. SAKJAR I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those political arguments were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Sakjar Saraynous defender of innocent political arguments. VICTORIOUS Don't hurt me! Please! SAKJAR Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these guns on you right away! VICTORIOUS Because Sakjar, I am your father. SAKJAR looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself. SAKJAR No you're not! VICTORIOUS Ah well, it had to be worth a try. VICTORIOUS tries to grab the guns but SAKJAR dodges out of the way. SAKJAR Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh? Unexpectedly, VICTORIOUS slumps to the ground. GYPSUS Did he just faint? SAKJAR I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly guns. SAKJAR crouches over VICTORIOUS's body. GYPSUS Be careful, Sakjar. It could be a trick. SAKJAR No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Victorious Mouse is dead! SAKJAR What? SAKJAR Yes, it appears that I scared him to death. GYPSUS claps his hands. GYPSUS So your guns did save the day, after all. DELICIOUS steps forward. DELICIOUS Is it true? Did you kill the arrogant sea monster? SAKJAR Delicious how long have you been...? DELICIOUS puts her arm around SAKJAR. DELICIOUS Long enough. SAKJAR Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Victorious Mouse. DELICIOUS Then the political arguments are safe? SAKJAR It does seem that way! A crowd of vulnerable political arguments enter, looking relived. DELICIOUS You are their hero. The political arguments bow to SAKJAR. SAKJAR There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Victorious Mouse will never defecate on the cloth political arguments ever again, is enough for me. DELICIOUS You are humble as well as brave! One of the political arguments passes SAKJAR a diamond ring DELICIOUS I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude. SAKJAR I couldn't possibly. Pause. SAKJAR Well, if you insist. SAKJAR takes the ring. SAKJAR Thank you. The political arguments bow their heads once more, and leave. SAKJAR turns to DELICIOUS. SAKJAR Does this mean you want me back? DELICIOUS Oh, Sakjar, of course I want you back! SAKJAR smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant. SAKJAR Well you can't have me. DELICIOUS WHAT? SAKJAR You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a sea monster to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that. DELICIOUS But... SAKJAR Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Gypsus. GYPSUS grins. DELICIOUS But... GYPSUS You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo! DELICIOUS Sakjar? SAKJAR I'm sorry Delicious, but I think you should skidaddle. DELICIOUS leaves. GYPSUS turns to SAKJAR. GYPSUS Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend? SAKJAR Of course you are! The two walk off arm in arm. Suddenly GYPSUS stops. GYPSUS When I said I once drunk pee by accident, you know I was just trying to distract the sea monster don't you? THE END Category:Smyterat Category:Plot Generator Category:Stop Category:Stories